Looking something like a mix of Pocahontas and a tornado at a thrift store,
the Apple Store Indie is your typical #fauxhemian. Masking her love for Steve Jobs
products with whatever your blind grandma wore 40 years ago, she blends in seamlessly with
the rest of her contemporaries at All Points West Festival.
Tweeting endlessly about nothing other than questions to a fake Ezra Koenig account, her
main source of news is whatever happens to be a trending topic on twitter. Her iphone
isn’t just a means to tell people what type of sandwich she is eating, she also uses
it to cover Passion Pit’s “Sleepyhead” using only app store instruments
with her hipster friends.
Getting musical recommendations from last.fm or whatever Jenny Eliscu and Jake Fogelnest
play on satellite radio, her entire “scene” seems to only exist in digital
format. The only physical music she owns are vinyl hand me downs that serve as decorative
filler for her Ikea Billy bookshelf. She rarely if ever supports her local indie music
scene unless it is someone spinning records (see: itunes playlist) at a scenester bar.
Unable to make sales of her diy junk through her etsy store, she has set up shop at a
number of craft fairs across the tri state area. Unfortunately everyone else was selling
the same trite octopus necklaces, owl earrings and onesies she slapped together. Upset
with the lack of enthusiasm towards her creations, she will later blog about it to an
audience of spambots.
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