the black metal knight is an odd, multifaceted creature; when he is not adorned in
his elaborate band getup, he wears green sweatpants and arizona wolf tees.
this guy has dreams of one day relocating his band to norway, but in the meantime settles
for his mom’s basement. he tries to make ends meet by working at the local comic book
store, where he passes the time playing d&d and world of warcraft. with his career
choice being unprofitable, he has suffered a series of financial setbacks that relate back
to the upkeep of his image. two months worth of paychecks have gone towards having a frank
frazetta clone paint his band’s cd cover. in addition, his stage getup has put him
well over $800 in debt to the home depot and various bondage stores. if that wasn’t
enough, medical bills have been piling up- the fearless knight suffered from a severe case
of frostbite while filming a music video during a blizzard. regrettably, the
aforementioned music video has enjoyed but 33 views on youtube to date.
the black metal knight recently suffered from perhaps the greatest embarrassment of all
while onstage at the local dive bar. drunk past the point where he could comprehend his
actions, the "kvlt" one accidentally applied his corpse makeup in a manner
reminiscent of wcw’s sting. fortunately for him, his drummer was also inebriated and
emerged as a passable gene simmons.
unlike his predecessors, he has never set a church on fire. he has, however, slipped and
burnt his hair with his mom’s straightener.<< back
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