just when you think things couldn’t get much worse than electro-ska, black
polka metal, or christian punk, the crunkcore scene comes along and makes everything else
look perfectly acceptable.
the crunkcore movement is one that seems to be a brilliant marketing strategy by some sort
of modern day lou pearlman who learned to tap into the brain of misguided emo kids who
don’t know where to turn. there is no way such a genre would evolve organically,
someone had to have made a conscious marketing decision to create one of the worst
crossover genres of all time and throw it on myspace to see what happens.
to sum up the stylings of crunkcore, it is a horrific combination of two genres that were
bastardized and declared dead several years ago, crunk and screamo, only now with overtly
sexual lyrics directed at 7th grade girls. with that said, you can use the following
recipe to create your own crunkcore band…
2 ¼ cups t-pain vocoder
4 tablespoons of angst ridden white teenagers
2 sticks of bowel inducing screams
3 teaspoons of shuttershades
2 cups fake bling from vending machines
12 cups of lyrics that would give brian peppers douche chills
205,809 myspace friends
somewhere on the back of the miley cyrus tour bus the guys in metro station are thanking
their lucky stars that bands like brokencyde came along. the crunkcore wave is to dance
pop what 9/11 was to gary condit and his missing intern.
i’ll leave you with this…
ps. why is it that only talented bands flip their van?
